(+8 GMT) before the undead come to life

Monday, September 25, 2006

El Coco...

El Coco. That is me. RS

Forgive me for the absence. It has been quite a journey thus far. It is hard to write down feelings and thoughts when time does not permit oneself to.

This journey? It hasn't ended yet. I feel so unlike all of you. You are all weak, so unsure of your lives and thus you deserve not be in this world. Yet, as Cesar Guerrero, I welcome you to my world. Feel free to talk to us, question us, comment on our thoughts. There's no need to be shy about it. Because that time is over now.

Open your minds people. This is the real world. Deaths, murders, rapes. It's all around us. Yet we feel we are immune to it all. Or so we think. We feel nothing until that one day, by chance, we see a road accident and a dead (or dying) body on the road with all the blood spilling on the road accompanied by bits and pieces of flesh and meat next to it. Brain tissue, mostly. Are you the type to stop and look or are you just going to drive away feeling queasy because you just saw a real person dying? And you think to yourselves, it won't happen to me...

This play scares me. Sometimes, I feel it during rehearsals. Other times I'm just downright flippant about the whole thing. Yet, as I've developed and enveloped Cesar as my own, I am beginning to become more aware of my emotions. As El Coco, I have also let some of my aggression out a little more and subsequently have become less controlled (Forgive me for the other night Mary George; I wasn't supposed to strangle you so tight). Yet, I fear Cesar myself. I fear that maybe we all have a little bit of that monster in us waiting to be unleashed.

We're about halfway there. I suggest you watch the play when we do finally get our act together. It's frustrating still when we have scripts in our hands. Although I am also scared of when I do get off book. The aggression. It's being controlled now by the script in my hand. When we're off book? Hopefully there'll be an ambulance on standby...

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