(+8 GMT) before the undead come to life

Friday, October 27, 2006

Opening Night......

Hello everyone. I know I've been somewhat negligent with the blog this time around and for that, I apologize. But you see.....when you're spending most of your nights huddled up in a corner, shooting up smack, in a small dark room with bad plumbing, accompanied by a huge black guy named Daisy.....well, let's just say its hard to get to a computer. And Daisy sold my laptop cos we ran out of smack so.....yeah, sorry.

We open tonight, in about 8 hours. U-En had mentioned in an earlier post that I would probably start off this post with something like "It has been an amazing journey...." Well, I have never been one to intentionally dissapoint my friends so here goes......

It has been an amazing journey.......happy now? Huh? Happy now fuckhead? It actually has been quite a ride. Its been a real 'yo-yo' experience. There have been some amazing days and some truly fucked up ones. This has proven to be the hardest thing I have ever attempted as a director, which has led to it becoming both one of the most torturous and rewarding experiences of my professional life. I don't know what you guys are going to think of the play. Its not like anything you've ever seen on the Malaysian stage and I'm still trying to figure out if that's ultimately going to be a good thing or a bad thing.

Its difficult to sit and write about this one because over the last couple of months, its become such an all-consuming experience that I haven't trusted myself to write about it objectively. I can say this much though.....I have been blessed with a great cast. One of the things I love most about directing is watching my actors discover things.....watching the growth from first reading to first run to first night has been a treat and I can't wait to see them share with an audience what they have shared with me. Jia-Wei, a woman who will never be happy with anything she does regardless of how fucking cool it is, so let me just say that if this set doesn't receive some kind of nomination or something.....then there's something seriously wrong with the world. Master-Builder Paul Hasham has brought her design to life in a way that only he can. And Lim Ang Fucking Psycho Swee's lights are.....well.....there are no words. You gotta see it for yourself. And we got a kick-ass horror sound design courtesy of Michael Thomas that gives me chills everytime I hear it. Ok, ok......objective, be objective......

That's really all I have to say for now. If everyone performs the way I know they can.....we're gonna have a fucking great show. At the end of the day, the only reason to stage anything is so it can be shared with an audience. And as frightening as that may be for me right now, I can't wait for it.

See you tonight......tomorrow......and tomorrow.....and tomorrow. The dead are waiting.


We open this evening

That's all I have to say. Gives me a thrill to say: Eh, we open later today.

I am sleepy. See you later. Haha. Maybe.


Wednesday, October 25, 2006

we open soon

I know what Gavin will say in his next post. It will begin like this: "It has been an interesting journey for me" ... Note that the elipsis is outside the quote mark. He likes epic words like 'journey' and has a habit of writing a great many of them, hence my bringing up this point of grammar. Actually, there are three points of grammar, if you go in for these things. People like Thor Kah Hoong do. Sadly.

I have trouble sleeping at night. So I shall beat young Gavin to his game and say this:

It has been an interesting journey for me. I am very new to acting, and am still convinced that I am not an actor, but an idiot. People like Gavin sometimes disagree with this painful piece of self-assessment, but I think they are idiots too, so no harm done.

Nevertheless, I have had a great time with two miserable buggers, to wit, Patrick Teoh and Ari Ratos; and I have had the honour and privilege of meeting some very talented people who are actors. Miss Melissa Maureen Rizal, Mr Dowle, Mr Michael Chen, and whatisname the fella with the beret who mops the floor.

Now, what Gavin normally says in his fifth para is: "This play will blow your mind."

I am not entirely sure what he means by the verb 'blow'.

Ah, I have suddenly discovered that I have work to do tomorrow. The problem is "tomorrow" has become "today". So more later.

Goodnight (morning) flesh.



It is 0215, 26th Oct. 2006. Again I can't sleep. No, not 'again'. Still. Anyway, to continue.

This play will blow your mind. It is an ambitious creature. So many things can go wrong, and, according to my friend Murphy who has some laws named after him, they will. Another thing Gavin likes to say in his fifth para is this: "It has been a humbling experience".

The line between humility and mortification is very fine. Reputations can be broken by this play. Any play, for that matter. But I don't have one to begin with, so it doesn't matter to me. This begs a question. I have to ask myself why I do it. The thrill of prancing around in public like an overcooked sausage (assuming overcooked sausages can prance around in public... it is late. My similes are weakening)? No. Not likely.

The Great Art of it? No. Not that either. Don't have a rat's arse to give about that. The wish to have the one most beautiful and intelligent woman in this transitory middle earth come up to you and coo "Oh, what a lovely performance. I love you with all my heart and soul"? No, that has not been my lot.

So why?

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Cockatoo Diary 3.

I saw a man beat himself to a near death today. He was hitting himself with whatever he could reach - everything from sticks and stones to his own fists and even flinging himself against walls and the ground.

Apparently, his whole family had just been murdered and he just went mad.

But watching him abuse himself that way reminded me of my own little memory - of when I was a mere child working at the ranch that I spent most of my formative years on. I was an orphan child and the ranch owner took me in as an errand boy.

The rest of the help who were much older used to pick on the smaller ones - like I was when I was just taken in. We were made to do all the jobs the older ranch hands were too lazy to do. And if anything wasn't done, we'd get the blame. I was beaten constantly as punishment.

It happened so much, that for a long time I was actually scared.

One day, I knew that the ranch hands were coming for me. I was sick of being afraid. So I stripped myself of all my clothes. I grabbed a whip and started whipping myself. I smashed my head against the walls. I flung myself onto the ground.

I felt numb - which was good. Because I wasn't afraid anymore. It was a liberating feeling.

By the time the ranch hands got to me. I was bleeding all over. Cuts and bruises covered my entire body. There I was, standing naked and grinning at them. It was the first time I ever felt so powerful. The ranch hands just looked at me, unable to say or do anything. And then they just left me.

They never laid a hand on me again.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

This is douglas lim's 7th posting

Ah...the 7th posting. You all know know what this means right? It's QUIZ time. FiL is a play with lots of words which form lots of phrases which form lost of sentences. Tt's quite dense (in terms of words). Personally, I like words. The only problem is, you can only appreciate a group of words if you understand the meaning.
Thus I have included this QUIZ for potential viewers of FiL. It basically gives you a sneak peak at some of the "killer lines" that will be heard during the play. But more than that, it makes you think of the explicit and implicit meaning.
To cater to our all post-SPM readers, the QUIZ is in Multiple Choice Format.


1. "There are monsters out there tonight, roaming around, looking for love. And when they find it...endless night." Why is it "endless night" when monsters find love?
a) Monsters take a long time to climax during love making.
b) Something happens to the Sun at this time.
c) "Monsters" is a metaphor for "Mat Rempits" and "Endless night" means a night in the lockup.
d) Dunno, Dun Care!

2. "He cut them up, made new children - endless combinations. Day old babies with horses' heads." What other "combinations" could there be?
a) Cows with horses' bodies (aka as a real skinny cow)
b) Snakes with a politicians' head
c) A Chinese comic actor with Johnny Depp's sex appeal (aka Douglas)
d) A "Dunno" with a "Dun Care"

3. "If I'm excrement and you're less than me, what does that make you?" Answer this question.
a) Urine
b) Peter Andre
c) Fart
d) The liquid shit that pretends to be fart until you let one go and shit yourself.

4. "Once they get their hands on a wet, sloppy fish, there's no stopping them. They just go beserk. Start pulling off its skin, licking it all over - " What fish do you think this is?
a) Siakap
b) Koi
c) Bawal
d) Ikan Bakar

5. "You'll never be human. Look at yourself. You're a walking cemetary, a paradox, a contradiction." Is this a wise thing to say to a monster?
a) No
b) No
c) No
d) Dunno, Dun Ca-ARRGGGGHHH!!! Help Me!!! Somebody Help Me!!!!!

6. "Health is an appalling betrayal, you're right." What the hell does this mean???
a) Something to do with insurance.
b) The doctor always says that it won't hurt...then he pokes you with a needle and IT HURTS!
c) Your cholesterol is low, your BP is stable and you're fit...but you're ugly and no one loves you so you commit suicide.
d) It means that the guy that said "health is an appalling betrayal" was right in saying so.

7. "You want some Beaujolais (wine)? It's not a particularly good year but it goes with anything." What is the perfect food pairing for Beaujolais?
a) Satay
b) Roti Banjir
c) Maggie Goreng
d) Dunno, Dun Care. Yaaaammm Siiiiinggg!!!

8. "My back feels as though it wants to split. And my face gets tight, as though someone's pressing on it from behind." What could cause such symptoms?
a) Back and face desease
b) Too much I-Gallop
c) Owing some gangsters a lot of money
d) Beaujolais and Roti Banjir

9. "I disgust myself, I hate myself, stealing from the dead." If not the dead, who should we steal from?
a) The paralyzed
b) The blind
c) Gavin Yap
d) The government. They started it!

10. "The fire is on the stairs." What does this mean?
a) Fire is a dynamic force that can go up and down.
b) Stairs are flamable.
c) It's getting hot in here so take off all your clothes.
d) Use the lift.

For answers, check with Gavin.

Ok, thank you.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Birthday -- MORE!

Today is is the birthday of my friend Mr Patrick Teoh, who turns 41. He is a very young man.

Go to his blog and wish him happy 41st birthday. http://patrickteoh.blogspot.com

Although we are in the same play, I have not seen him in months bec. he is in Act I, I am in Act II.

So sad.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Birthday Announcement


I'd like to take this opportunity to wish Douglas/Lazaro/sicko a happy birthday today and yes, you're turning that little bit older and not getting any thinner either. But have a good day ahead my OLD friend.

I guess no one will be reading this post for a while since I'm about the only sad git who is awake at this time of day. Anyway, Douglas WON'T be in rehearsals today as he has a prior engagement.

Priorities Douglas, priorities... (that's why you're a MINOR character...)



From me, El Coco, otherwise known Superstar in the play.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

El Coco vs Lazaro

My dear friend Lazaro alias Douglas,

Thank you for your wonderful 'dissection' of Rashid's character, El Coco, as well as Rashid himself. He is thoroughly impressed with your incisive explanation of his bodily parts and wishes you to congratulate you on this.

However please note, Lazaro alias Douglas, that this is not a 'Bridge that is Broken' and that Lazaro is simply a character within the confines of ONLY three, albeit 'short' in appearance, scenes and therefore any attempts to elevate the status of one Lazaro is futile, underhanded and downright desperate. And you do die in the story; there are no two ways about it and NO, you cannot die singing either. No scenes will be added either to enhance your character's scene time as it will only prolong an already well executed play.

Please also note that there are some inaccuracies in your information being (no need to wonder) :

1. LEGS - Rashid is of AVERAGE height, neither tall nor short.
2. ARM MUSCLES - Inherited from Grandfather on mother's side.
3. STOMACH MUSCLES - Had them a few years back. Being re-built for the role of El Coco
4. 80's MUSIC KNOWLEDGE - Rashid is older than Alvin therefore he must have acquired the knowledge from Rashid
5. EYES - Slitty MELANAU eyes. Melanaus are fishermen originally and therefore exposed to the sun and sea constantly.
6. FACE - Well... God knows... because God is proud of his creation.

Obviously, there are other mistakes in your evaluation but this is not the time or place to quarrel such trivial matters.

If you have any other queries on this issue, please do not hesitate to contact Rashid.

Remember, El Coco IS the SUPERSTAR in this story and he will not relinquish his crown in this play/love story so easily. And as Rashid is playing El Coco, then that means he is the SUPERSTAR as well in this production.

Thank you for your patience and understanding,

Cesar Guerrero / El Coco / RS

p.s. Remember, Lazaro is only a MINOR character.


Mattos has something to say

I came across a child last night. I didn't kill it, it scared itself to death... Well... I think it was dead. Too small for a meal, makes a really nice appetizer though. I sometimes wonder how Follezou might taste... but I keep reminding myself that he's a friend I need. Anyways his meat isn't fresh. El Coco is actually quite strong.

This is douglas lim's 6th posting

Just wondering...

FiL is full of characters who are, by themselves, full of characters. Confused? Let me explain. Most of the characters in FiL are created by Dr Frank using bits and pieces here and there. For example, Rashid's character (El Coco) is actually a collage - comprising of a Writer (left hand), Dice Player (right hand), Doctor (brain), Person from Vienna (feet) dan lain-lain.

So I was wondering. What if Rashid (the actor) was also a creation of Dr Frank?

LEFT HAND - Rugby player from Ireland. Constantly holding a pint of Guinness.
FUNNY BONE - Ladyboy from Thailand. Have you watched Actorlympics?
LEGS - Either a Smurf or Gavin. Rashid isn't very tall.
HAIR - Wild bush by the playground in Taman Len Sen, Cheras.
BUTTOCKS - Ramli burger buns from burger stall in Taman Len Sen, Cheras.
ACCENT - Sarawakian who was packed off to England at a young age.
BRAIN - Bits from Douglas Lim. Rashid IS quite smart.
ARM MUSCLES - Gavin's thigh.
PENIS - Frankfurter from Ramli Burger stall in Taman Len Sen, Cheras. They also do hotdogs.
FACE - God knows...
BLADDER - Not sure but definitely NOT from Alvin Wong.
80's MUSIC KNOWLEDGE - Most likely from Alvin Wong.
EYES - Cheong Sam. They're quite slitty.

I can't guarantee the accuracy of it all but as I said...
...I was just wondering.

Ok, thank you.

Saturday, October 07, 2006


rehearsal today was fun. we ran act one, so i got to see earnest michael chen fondle mary george and try to be horny. apart from that i also got to see better how the scenes flowed into each other. it made me understand the other characters in a different way. in scene one, i tore my script (quite by accident) while struggling with el coco. tearing paper gave me a rush.

kennie dowle is getting very good at yanking veronique around. he is a strong person.

Follezou Day One


Soon the game will be up and you will be brought to question. Remember, you have given us endless nights to wonder and plot…and dream up machinations to a bloody end. That end will soon be done now because we have been set free and we are in your vicinity. Biding our time…


I find the word repulsive to me now father for, are you not a man? And the priest that blessed your scapels? A man?

No…I can call myself a man no longer …you have turned me into something else.

Soon, we will be in your shadow…your headspace.


Do you not know that I have devised a trick? And my Lady…she desires to see it in performance. She praises my hands…and calls me skillful…

Ever since that wretched day when you birthed me into this world of 'men' dear father I have known kindness from none but her…Our Lady…the one for whom these hands toil…

Never did you suffer me a kind word nor glance, yet I still loved you… still love you…

The tides are rolling in around us dear Father… and the Horsemen…

Do you not hear them?

Listen dear father…listen with that thing inside of you that is already dead.. close your eyes and listen.

Do you not hear them?

on grammar and rehearsals

Since we're on the topic, shouldn't the countdown timer say "before the dead come to life"?
Anyway, tomorrow we start rehearsing the whole of Act One. We're supposed to be pretty much off the script by now. I've been practising at home, but I've realized that:
1. I still muck up my lines during rehearsals
2. It never looks/sounds the way it does in one's head or in front of the mirror once you're actually doing it. For real. With other actors.
Gavin also frequently reminds me about my levels. Well at least it was so in the beginning. Now its more like this: we gather around after running a scene and he goes, "Douglas, bla bla bla" or "Michael, bla bla bla". And then he goes, "Melissa....." *smile*. And I get it. The hardest thing so far was having to remind myself to keep my levels up, or to not rush through my lines.

I'm getting nervous.

By the way, Kennie Dowle is a strong person.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Why I am mean to Lawrence

So, some of you are asking yourselves: "Why is U-En, who is normally such a nice caring warm cuddly funny friendly helpful person so mean to the poor whatsisname stage manager fella with the beret?"

The answer is this: Behold! Lawrence is not human. As such, he does not qualify for human rights protection.

I humbly submit proof of this bold and shocking claim:

From: Lawrence (address deleted)
To: Cast & Production (addresses deleted)
Date: 06-Oct-2006 10:14
Subject: Rehearsal Dates
Dear All,
Pls noted that tommorow ( 7/10/2006) rehearsal time has been change to 3pm - 6pm. All is called except Bozuffi & Fook.

From: U-En Ng
To: Lawrence
Date: 06-Oct-2006 10:26
Subject: Re: Rehearsal Dates
Dear Lawrence,
Pls noted that "pls noted" is Engrish of (CENSORED) (CENSORED) Orang. Pls also noted that Fook has already noted the change, as has Hamm.

From: Lawrence
To: U-En Ng
Date: 06-Oct-2006 10:28
Subject: Re: Rehearsal Dates
Mate, pls speak english.. i dont understand what u saying about pls noted..!! i say pls noted is because is noted to be noted down when they noted down so they can noted down.
Pls noted i understand.hehehe


Doctor Who?!.....

Greetings Bloggerverse!
Even though i am writing this from the comfort of my own keyboard i am feeling distinctly self conscious about making this post. This is due, in part, to "dear diary..." nature of blogs and the inexplicable way that some people pour their souls into these things (like Gavin and Michael) but also because Douglas and Patrick have set their stalls out to be the funny, foul mouthed, brainless ones contributing to this blog. How to compete?.... I gues the truth lies somewhere between two extremes! O.k. then, write what you know.
Here's one thing I know... when Gavin wheeled me in as the replacement Dr. Frankenstein for Mr. Maniam on the very day that the publicity shots were taken EVERYONE'S reaction betrayed these two thoughts
1. "f***! Are we really that desparate?"
2. "Are we sure Mano's that ill?"
Solidarity my brothers! The only other time I have felt that wanted in the company of a close knit group was that time i farted in a lift ride the the 30th floor! But, you know, an actor has to be thick skinned so i got over it.... then Reza felt that he had to part ways with the company and i'm left thinking " I can't be that bad...I'm not even in any scenes with him!!" but o.k. you roll with the punches. then last night Gavin "put the old tin lid on it" ( as Pinter would say) by criticising me for being "too shouty". Well i'm sorry Mr. Yap but if "shouty" was good enough for Joe Hasham in Julius Caesar then it's jolly well good enough for the likes of this production!!! Before thoughts 1 and 2 go through your head i will hasten to add that i am, in fact, "just kidding" and that it is clear to me that i have no soul to pour into this thing so i have slipped to the Douglas Lim's end of the scale! i'll try to be more informative (or at least factually accurate) next time!
more from DOCTOR WHO (is he?) later.
Kennie Dowle tm, copyright, cc, patent pending etc. appears (as always) courtesy of his mother!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

More fr the New Guy.

Hi all - here's more from me as Michael Chen - the perspective of the 'new guy' - in case there is anyone out there reading this who'd like to know what its like for the 'new guy' ...

I've done the last few rehearsals 'off the book' ie I've done a few rehearsals without holding the script in hand. The obvious advantage to that is, as you may have guessed, I am now able to concentrate more. Having the script in hand is like having one foot in the 'play' and still having another foot in 'reality' - which is not as fun as just being wholly in the 'play' of course - because this is such a bloody cool play and being Cockatoo is so liberating. (note: the emphasis on 'cool')

That being said, I've found that without the script in hand, I've become very conscious of what I'm doing with my body while I'm acting. All the hand gestures, turn of the head, the raising of an eyebrow, etc... which is a 'good' thing (I hope) - in case you're wondering.

When I first joined the Theatre Club, I was a mere lad of 16 while I was still schooling in SMK Sultan Abdul Samad, PJ and did my first play - "The Miser" by Moliere - I had a terrible habit that Ms.Sukania Venugopal (whom I must say - is the person who introduced me to theatre and acting - the brave woman who tried to bring 'culture' to the school that is Sultan Abdul Samad!) had to constantly remind me of.

I can't stand still. I'm hopelessly active and restless. If I sit still for too long, I think I'd just explode! This is a trait which some people have described as 'cute' or even 'useful' since I love sports (basketball, football, futsal, kickboxing) and the trait keeps me on my toes.

Unfortunately, on stage, it just makes me look weak. And that sucks. Especially in this play, because I'm playing 'Cockatoo' - who is insane and to a very logical extent - terribly restless but the 'Michael Chen' type of restlessness is not the same as the 'Cockatoo' restlessness.

Gavin has told me several times about being more rooted to the ground which is something I've been told by Ms.Sukania, Christopher Ling (when I did an acting workshop with him - 4 years ago), Rajen (who was my director in Harakiri - my 1st play 3 years ago), Joe Hasham (when I did his acting class last year) and now of course Gavin.

Obviously, this is a problem I've had for a long while. *grin*

I suppose it never was that big a deal initially since I always played smaller roles and had little stage time. However, this time around is a whole other ballgame.

Whatever it is, I'm feeling more confident now about being 'rooted' and doing justice to the role of 'Cockatoo' cause he's a great role and a great guy. Heck, if he were real, I'd probably be good friends with him (insane or not - *insert face with maniacal grin*)

That's it for now.
p/s: In response to Gavin's post about casting me - he's right - I don't care that there were other guys whom he actually wanted - as long as I get the role - I'm always grateful for any role I get! Besides, I get the chance to play a kickass character - the guys who turned down Cockatoo will be kicking themselves once they see FiL ... *insert face with maniacal grin*

Monday, October 02, 2006

Normal service will resume shortly.

Hello. This is U-En. Previously I was Fook, but now I am not.

Like Patrick I too exist in this play for one scene only. I have attended a grand total of two rehearsals, during which I was given the pleasant opportunity of spending quality time staring at the ceiling waiting for Rashid to deliver his lines, or throw me around, or prowl around like the Ravening Beast of Gevaudan, or do something in keeping with what he's supposed to do.

That is to say, I have been skiving. I have been thinking happy thoughts.

The reason why I am here now instead of doing more appealing things is to tell you that Endgame rehearsals have started again. Like Frankenstein, I have one scene only in Endgame and I get to spend the whole of it sitting down. Haha. Yes. That would be the only funny thing about that colossal pile of cow-dung, wouldn't it?

I haven't said anything about this in the Endgame blog for the very simple reason that nobody goes there now. Nobody went there then, either, except in the vain hope of seeing Gavin Yap naked, which they didn't, which is why they are here now. Fools.

Endgame reopens in Penang on the second Friday of November and runs till Sunday. During this time I shall spend the days lying dead, having been murdered by a lover of theatre. This shall no doubt vastly improve my acting abilities.

This is all the fault of Gavin Yap. And Lawrence.

That is all.

Thank you.

Douglas Lim is NOT Fat.

No. Douglas Lim is definitely not a pau bak chang as one comment-er said. Pau bak chang is Hokkein meaning literally wrapping meat dumplings. This comment-er also said that "he looks like an Adonis-like Michaelangelo's David in person". That is also definitely an EXAGGERATION.
Douglas Lim will look like "an Adonis-like Michaelangelo's David" if you're a huge fan and are having a drug induced nightmare. Just thought you should know la.

This is Patrick Teoh's first post

Yeah I am the lazy one this time. I have been reading all the very creative posts here since Gavin started this. Frankly, I am awed by what all these young and talented actors can come up with in this blog. Yeah la, I was feeling a little inadequate about posting here la. But have to show the director that I am following his instructions to blog something ma. So this is it lor. At first I thought of blogging in character as deposed president Garcia Heliodoro Perez but then Michael has done that already as his character Cockatoo. Then I thought I would be funny but when I read U-En's posts I knew I could never be as funny. After that I thought that I would take some photos of the rehearsals and add some funny captions. First of all my photos turned out really shitty. Second of all as a cameo I only attend rehearsals once every couple of weeks with Mary George, Michael Chen, Melisa Maureen and Rashid Salleh. All of whom are very serious about their rehearsal time and so almost never do anything other than rehearse very seriously. So nothing much to blog about. Oh yes, Lawrence the stage manager is also there but he usually looks like he'd rather be somewhere else so can't blog much about him. And of course, Gavin Yap the director is there too. Most of the readers of this blog, male and female, only want to see photos of him naked and like I said I don't take good photos of anything.

And to all those people who keep asking me, after I tell them about this play, who is playing Frankenstein...the monster IS NOT Frankenstein. Frankenstein is the doctor who created those monsters. And since you asked, there are lots of those in the play. Also, corpses, entrails, skin, blood. Frankenstein is played by Kenny Dowle as you already now know. Last time I was on stage with him I got to stab him with a really sharp, cool-looking dagger. This time, I don't even get to be on stage with him at the same time.

Ah yes, almost forgot. My old friend and fellow member of the Chopped Liver society, Ari Ratos is in this production as well. This happened because Ari Ratos is a really nice guy and has never learned to say "No" to anyone. Too bad all the people asking have been guys. So Gavin gave him a call...well you know the story from Gavin's earlier post. See? I told you. I don't know what to post that hasn't been done already. Fuck! Fook? No that's U-En...fuck la I'm going to take a nap.